I Just Want to Fit In

Can I download a game on your phone? 

Recently, our son approached us, wanting to download a video game onto one of our phones. We have games on our phones that we sometimes allow the kids to play. He insisted that we download it, but we were busy with other things. It eventually turned into:

"Why do you want this game so bad right now?" 

"One of my friends has it, and he plays it." 

"You don't need that game right now."

"Please, can you just download it?"

"Not right now."

He starts to cry and says, "I just want to fit in!" 

Air has left the room. Wait, what? This comes from our oldest, who is friendly and has friends wherever he goes. This allowed us to pause, listen, and learn while providing instruction. 

We asked why he felt that way, and he talked about other kids playing that game and him not feeling like he fit in. The game was purportedly the puzzle piece that would provide him a sense of belonging. The conversation continued:

"Did Jesus ever fit in?" 

"No." 

"That's right. Fitting in isn't a good thing." 

*Now, before you go about judging us as being harsh parents, we did download the game for him. He plays it occasionally, but not before taking a teaching opportunity.*

"Those in the great and spacious are all about pointing fingers at those that don't 'fit in'. They have what is desirable to appear to make one happy: Prime, smartphones, Snapchat, PlayStation, Patrick Mahomes jersey, etc." I'm not saying these are bad. What I am saying is that there are better choices than wanting these for the purpose of fitting in. 

"But, can you get to the great and spacious building and those fitting in?" 

Pause 

"No..." 

"Why?"

"It's floating. It's in the air."

He started to connect some things on his own. Not once did Jesus act and try to fit in. He did it out of sheer love and obedience to His Father. He was different. He stood out because He didn't fit in. 

Connection and belonging are needs that we all have, but those don't occur because of fitting in. They come through doing things differently. They come through truly developing a relationship with others based on who we are versus what we have or what others try to make us be. Jesus Christ connected with others on a personal, intimate level. The misfits or those on the fringes were those He targeted, but once they experienced belonging on a deeper level with One who knew them, they stood out. I believe much of the uprising against Christ wasn't solely because of the miracles, but because people that society placed as not fitting in were standing out. Christ was allowing them to taste who they were—first and foremost as sons and daughters of God. 

Chasing vanity doesn't lead to fruitful fulfillment. It is a never-ending loop of disappointment unless a choice is made to find a deeper relationship with Those who know us best and, in turn, know ourselves the best we can. Again, not with how the world sees us, but with who He sees us. 

I believe the most confident individuals are people who know who they are. They don't try to fit in. That is why I believe Christ was humble while also confident. It wasn't prideful confidence driven by measuring up to worldly standards; rather, it was confidence born out of a heavenly connection. One that you don't necessarily see but can feel. One that is infused with heavenly power and affirmation. 

From a worldly perspective, Jesus was only Joseph's son. He didn't seem much different than those around Him. However, the way He acted didn't fit in. He "went about doing good" (Acts 10:38). 

So, going back to our son, he is realizing that true empowerment comes from within. Better said, true empowerment comes from Him to him. We care too much about what others think and too little about what He thinks. A healthy question to ask would be: What would He think? 

Does Jesus Christ think my son is not part of His fold because He doesn't have a certain game? I know the answer is obvious, but how often do we buy into lies or inaccurate thoughts that drive us to obsessive actions? If our thoughts revolve around Him, it is harder to doubt, and it is harder to fear (D&C 6:36). Because when we are with Him in our thoughts, we can more freely have His perfect love with us. His love casteth out all fear (Moroni 8:16; 1 John 4:18). 

In Lehi's dream, there was a mist of darkness that blinded the eyes of many. When wandering through the darkness, do you think they were experiencing serenity and confidence? I don't know. I can imagine it was dependent on what one thought and how the steps followed that thought. They could either follow, look unto, and hold fast to Christ to navigate the darkness or try what the world or others said. I imagine it would have been daring and adventurous to move off the path for a while until you knew you were in danger. Until you knew you were lost. 

I think we have all experienced feeling lost to some degree. It is scary. I remember being lost in a grocery store as a toddler and starting to panic (fear-driven) while looking for my source of comfort—my mother. I would feel my way through the store with no avail until, finally, I heard her voice calling my name and beckoning me to her. Furthermore, I did not care about anything in that store at the moment of being lost other than finding my mom. Not a Reese's; not a donut; not a pop; not a Hot Wheels car. Why? Because I knew her. I knew the comfort she provided, and I knew she loved me. When I found her, my fear and worry dissipated. 

I think the majority of us are trying the best we know how. I think we want to be good people. I do believe that. Unfortunately, I think we often look to the wrong places to fit in. Jesus Christ doesn't want you to fit in because He knows that's where you fit best—right next to Him.