Are There Chinks in My Armor?

Don't Call On Me

Have you ever caught yourself slouching with your shoulders rolled forward, head down, and appearing as little as possible? We all have been there, but what is the reason behind it? The answer is simple: we are not comfortable or we feel vulnerable. Generally, when I'm not comfortable or feel weak, I try to appear as little as possible in hopes that I won't have to endure what is in front of me. Have you ever been in front of an audience or class and all eyes are on you, but you don't know what question was asked or the answer? I shrink as small as I can and just wish deep inside my mind that this moment would leave because I don't like not knowing the answer or what is going on. In support of this, Amy Cuddy has found that body language is tied to our perception of not only others but what we perceive in ourselves.

I've had students get mad at me because I would call on them for an answer when I knew they weren't paying attention. "Bro. Nelson only calls on people that don't pay attention so he can embarrass them!" Is that my motive? Not at all. But, the students dislike it because they are uncomfortable and they appear vulnerable. I am the same way. I like to appear confident and know the answer to what is asked. I don't like to be vulnerable and allow people to see the chink(s) in my armor...because you know, how dare I have weakness in the world we live in today.

What if I were to tell you that that is vital to being a dusband. Ultimately, that is vital to being a growing human being. Let's try something -- out of all the people that you have affiliated with, which ones do you trust the most? Is it the ones that have never had a perceived problem or seem to have that perfect Instagram life like they can do no wrong? NO! The people that I have drawn closest to and trust the most are those that I see at times as being uncomfortable and vulnerable. Because they can seemingly understand better what I have gone through.

One of the coolest things about being a dad is seeing your children make a mistake but do it while being completely visible; having no control over the future but letting go. My kids are OCD in a lot of things that drive me crazy -- like how can you be OCD about how your pajamas are laid out on the floor before you put them on? If the spacing between the pajama bottoms and the top is not perfect, call 911! 😡 (We still haven't figured out a mathematical equation to determine the perfect distance) If they are not exactly right, a monster is released that cannot be tamed unless much effort is spent getting them exactly right for the princess.

 

My son is OCD about drawing his letters even though he's only 5 and learning like a champ, he gets upset if they aren't just right. But, guess what? Not once has he said no because he's afraid to be seen and mess up. He cares and keeps trying. Now that's not to say that I don't get bugged by their tantrums and quest for perfection but I've learned that they are willing to be vulnerable. They are willing to be who they want to be while making mistakes.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Jesus Christ has invited all to become as a little child. I think one of the reasons is because they are who they are and they are going to act like it. Rather than trying to be like so and so with 1,000+ followers, I'm going to be me and I'm going to embrace the outcome while growing as a human being.

Is it Real? 

Social media can be a depressing place if you're not in the right place personally because of how perfect things look. Look at some of these photos and how often we seek to have no chinks in our armors:







   

Successful People Aren't Fake

When you think about some of the most successful people in the scriptures, they weren't deemed socially "perfect". I can think of Moses who had a weakness in public speaking because he "was slow of speech, and of a slow tongue" (Exodus 4:10) and he knew it! Yet, Moses was vulnerable in many instances to be who he was called to be despite the unknown outcome. I can think of Alma the Younger and his past of sin and being considered one of the "vilest of sinners". Yet, he used his past as a bridge of trust that people could relate to -- he shared his story and held nothing back! I can think of President George Albert Smith with his bouts with severe anxiety and depression. As President of the Church he had times when he couldn't leave his bed. There are countless others who have had to take a break from fake and had to be real.

"Take a break from fake!" (President Russell M. Nelson)

Share Me = Share Him 

Taking a break from fake and stepping into reality and being completely seen is tough. I recently got a new calling and the first lesson I gave in front of some of the young men in my ward was to be completely real with them about who I was, not fearing the outcome or what they may think. I shared some of my previous mistakes. I shared some of my current weaknesses. I shared me! I have found when I do that trust is built and more importantly I can witness of the Savior Jesus Christ. The beautiful thing is that they then can open up to me about who they are and how they too rely on the same Savior.

Who would you say you trust the most? Why? I would guess the answer is our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The Savior is trusted because of where he has been and how vulnerable He was. Jesus Christ was extremely vulnerable. I picture Christ posting an Instagram picture of Him with those that weren't socially accepted and getting a few likes here and there rather than a photo that portrays his splendor, beauty, and perfection. Even though He is all of those things, His work is to help the vulnerable become like Him and He can't do that without me being real.

Let Go

One of my biggest struggles is letting go and trusting completely. I have heard this phrase before and I have adopted it: "let go and let God". I have learned that as I have faith in God and who He would have me be that I have nothing to fear. I have experiences that are there to help individuals grow. I have experiences that will help my children to grow. While I am vulnerable it sets me free and others as well. I know because Christ was completely vulnerable that He was completely free and because He was vulnerable I can be through Him.