What do I do when I'm disappointed as a dusband?

Disappointment has come to me in many forms, whether it be because my own expectations weren't met, or my perception of not meeting others' expectations of me. I'm hard on myself oftentimes because I hold myself to a high standard; a standard that is irrational at times. This had led me to be more stressed and increased feelings of inadequacy. Now, I'm not expecting a pity party or for you to feel sorry. I'm just being honest and open like I promised I would.

We've all been there. We've been the one to not change a diaper, sweep the floor, do the dishes, use better language, slow to anger, etc. I'll give you an example from last night. I failed to wipe the counter, table, and sweep the floor after dinner. My thoughts were on me and my almost full-term wife had to do it. I know, you already think what a chump I am. Instead of putting her first, I put myself first. I recognized this and feelings of disappointment crept in. "I should have helped her out. I've got to be better."

My wife is not one to show her disappointment readily although she has a system to things. What do you mean by system? I mean that there is a strategic plan of action that has to be taken in a certain order. For example, the kitchen --after the family-- is the first item on the plan to clean and if I go out of order then it does not meet her expectations. Trust me, I've not maintained the system and it leads to a more stressful household.

We could all say it in unison: "A happy wife, a happy life." 

Different Kind of Disappointment 

The thing is, disappointment commonly impacts me negatively. It not only impacts me but it impacts others, including my family. The more I dwell on the disappointment rather than what I do because of the disappointment is the problem. This is when my ability to successfully serve my family and those I love plummets. I'm not saying that disappointment isn't a normal feeling. 

“All human beings experience disappointment. If this hard fact of development were not so, it would be very difficult to explain the joy of personal growth that often follows setbacks.”

—Elder Jacob de Jager

 This last weekend I was disappointed. It probably isn't what you're thinking either. I was disappointed spiritually. I'll explain.

"Unforgettable" General Conference

In October 2019, President Russell M. Nelson invited all to be immersed in the Restoration of the fulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He basically said one could make their own plan but to do your best to prepare for what he not only promised would be memorable but also unforgettable because it would be like no other general conference before. I mentioned in a previous blog post (https://dusband101.blogspot.com/2019/10/more-holiness-give-me.html) that I felt to start the Book of Mormon over and finish it before the general conference in April. I also made sure to study and mark things that impressed me in all the conference talks from the October 2019 Conference. These were combined with a concentration on the invitation to hear Him (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGhQym_vhFU). 

Sounds like a good plan, eh? It was a joy to do all of these things with the prime goal of the upcoming conference that would be unforgettable. I even made sure to take careful notes of the talks given. The conference came and went and I was... disappointed. I was troubled. How could I put forth so much effort and have it seemingly fall flat?! I was confused and it was impacting me like disappointment often does. It's important to note that I wasn't doubting in God and Jesus Christ and His prophet, but I was honestly disappointed. 

I would see people's comments on social media about how memorable and unforgettable the conference was for them; how tears were brought to their eyes; how beautiful the messages were. I didn't feel the exact same. I started to panic a little, "What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me?" I then started to become confused and therefore discouraged. 

Confusion and Discouragement

Once I started recognizing confusion and discouragement, I knew I needed to ask for help. I needed Him to help me. I have a witness of Him and His ability and willingness to speak to me, and I knew I "lacked wisdom." I also knew from experience and through spiritually guided words that confusion can be one of Satan's greatest tools. For example, in the Doctrine and Covenants it says, "Satan has filled the world with confusion" (123:7). Also, in section 132 it says that "mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion." (verse 8). 

I also recognized that the confusion was leading me to become discouraged. I knew this was dangerous territory if I didn't receive help. Then the talk from Elder Peter Johnson from the October 2019 General Conference came to my mind. I looked up the talk and noticed these words: 

The adversary also attempts to distract us away from Christ and His covenant path. Elder Ronald A. Rasband shared the following: “The adversary’s design is to distract us from spiritual witnesses, while the Lord’s desire is to enlighten and engage us in His work.”

I admitted I was being distracted and therefore confused. Consequently, because of this, I was being led to discouragement. I then looked a little further into Elder Johnson's talk and I found this that impacted me:

Still Unsettled

I still wasn't settled because I had received certain sacred personal revelations in the past from the Lord that weren't making sense in my mind to what I felt in general conference. I then remembered a verse in The Book of Mormon in Mosiah 4:9: 

Believe in ^aGod; believe that he is, and that he ^bcreated all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all ^cwisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not ^dcomprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

I knew Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that he did, in fact, receive personal revelation that blessed the world. I knew that I should do the same -- receive revelation.  As I was laying in bed studying my notes from the conference, I noticed President Eyring's words that I gravitated toward and therefore wrote down:

“When I pray with faith, I have the Savior as my advocate with the Father and I can feel that my prayer reaches heaven. Answers come. Blessings are received. There is peace and joy even in hard times.”

Unforgettable Came

I had previously prayed, but while laying down in the dark I plead with immense faith in Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ to know His will and be blessed with the message He would want me to receive at that moment. I then heard these words in my mind: "You thought they were at the same time. I never said they would be." I then felt immediate peace come over me and tears started to stream down my cheeks. It was only two simple sentences but it was exactly what I needed to know and understand. All of my confusion and discouragement left and it all made sense. I've purposefully omitted important contextual details with what that answer means exactly, but I can testify that unforgettable came, and I don't think it would have if I hadn't tried to do what the Lord asked through His prophet. 

He Comes Through

I think my fault coming into the conference was looking beyond the mark, just like the Israelites. I have since repented of that. I was wrong. I was more focused on a grand announcement rather than doing what is most important -- hearing Him. I failed to remember that the Lord works in small and simple ways to perform His great purposes. He did it with the plates, the Liahona, the brazen serpent, etc. He performs small things to the eyes of the world and man to bring people to Him and exercise more faith in Him.

I think of how He required Nehemiah who was tormented with leprosy to simply bathe 7 times in the dirty river Jordan. I think of how He gave Lehi the Liahona to simply point them to the most fertile parts of the land and lead them to the Promised Land. I think of the widow of Zarephath who was hungry in a time of famine that was asked to give up a simple and small offering to the prophet, Elijah. I think of how God used a simple farm boy to usher in the Restoration of the Gospel. Most importantly, I think of how God sent His Son to a lowly and small world amidst the creations of eternity to perform His Atonement that would save the world and worlds without number from certain conditions and could lead man to eternal life.

I testify that as we go to Him who lives and rose the third day that He will help us to receive peace! Our answers may not be great and glorious, but they will be what we need to lead us to our full potential. I know we can hear Him wherever we are at in our lives because He loves us. This has helped me to become a better husband and dad because I rely on Him who knows all to lead me. All I can do is try my best to follow in His path step by step. He understands.