Five Lessons I have learned as a Dusband Through the Pandemic

Remember

When we put our kids to sleep, I usually ask them 3 questions: 

1. What was your favorite thing you did today? 

2. What did you learn today? 

3. What can you do better tomorrow? 

Why? Because I believe there is power in remembering. Oftentimes, my kids mention something like playing dinosaurs,  ponies, or house as their favorite thing. It usually takes them more time to answer the second because they have to dig deeper in their ability to remember. Surprisingly, almost always they can pick out something they've learned. The third question response typically is "I can be nicer!" or, "I can listen better to Mommy and Daddy." 

Through the pandemic, I've learned that remembering is not just a kid thing -- it is for me. There's a reason that I am asked to "always remember Him." I think of my Savior and how He always remembers me: 

• "I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands" (Isaiah 49:16)
• "I have not forsaken you" (D&C 61:36)
• "I myself will go with them and be in their midst; and I am their advocate with the Father" (D&C 32:3)
• "for I am with you" (D&C 30:11)
• "for all flesh is in my hands" (Moses 6:32)
• “Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows." (Luke 12:6-7)
• "Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee" (Enos 1:5, emphasis added) 
• "One of them spake unto me calling me by name and said, pointing to the other--This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!" (Joseph Smith--History 1:17, emphasis added)

These among others help to remind me that I have someone that always remembers me and that I have a duty to remember Him. As I have tried to do a better job at remembering, I have felt His remembrance for me more forcefully. I guess you could say I have felt His love more frequently and that has helped brighten the seemingly dark Covid days. 

Be Still 

I believe there is no better way to receive inspiration than in the quiet moments of the day--preferably in the morning. I have found that when time is allotted to being still in the morning before the hustle and bustle of the day, the hours that follow are more impactful. You could say that a deeper and concentrated time of stillness will provide powerful moments of growth throughout the day. 

Align

It is in those times of stillness that I have been able to align myself with my Father's will. Interestingly, when I am aligned with Him, I become a more impactful dad and husband for good. Yes, I could read a multitude of books and hear advice from experienced people who have found principles that work. However, when I cut out the alignment that is most important, I don't carry as much power in effectively doing what needs to be done. 

For example, I have had times when I am well-meaning and intentional in my pursuit to do good but carry less power because I haven't sought the Father who knows best. It's like those times when I keep trying to complete a project or get to a destination and take minutes and hours to do so without asking for help. Then, when I finally ask for help it gets done more powerfully and efficiently than before. I then ask myself, "Why didn't I do that before?!" Well, I have seen that in my everyday life as a dusband. As I watched the video below, I thought about if I would be willing to reach out and up as quickly as he did. 

I Don't Know

I'm an independent person that likes to figure things out and learn. I believe in myself and the gifts God has given me. Although this is good, the bad part is it can be hard for me to look for help and take feedback that could ultimately lead to more powerful and efficient results. For instance, I remember when I was fixing our gate that was driving me crazy. I had read all the directions, watched YouTube videos, and told myself, "I can do this." I found disappointment as something went wrong time and time again: hinges weren't on the correct way, lost a bit in the grass, the gate didn't close, etc. 

I finally had to get to the point where I got on my knees and said, "Look, I don't know what I'm doing. Frankly, I don't know a lot, but Thou does. Can Thou please strengthen me and help me to do this if it's Thy will?"

Wonderfully, I would start to be led to things here and there that I could fix or implement. It was a miracle--I fixed the gate! I remember my wife coming out and asking, "Seriously, you are still doing this?" I remember how hot it was getting and sweat coming down my face. 

"Yes, I've almost got it." I think I said that like 10 times until finally I humbled myself and asked for help. You know what? The gate still works great because I admitted I didn't know. What I don't know will always trump what I do.  

See 

Despite being confident in believing I can complete hard tasks, I can get down on myself and be self-critical for coming up short. "This is my fault that it has gone this way." "I haven't done enough that's why this happened." "Why didn't I do that?!" The thoughts could go on. We've probably all been there in some way or form but would we ever talk to another person that way? If I took a step out of my body and saw myself struggling, would I talk that way to myself? I think as I become conscious of His lens and viewing myself with more grace and love, I realize He wants me to succeed. I don't picture God telling another person, "This is your fault, and I can't help you." Rather, I see Him saying, "Hey, we all make mistakes, but I'm happy to help. I want you to succeed! I love you!" 

By taking a step back and seeing myself through merciful eyes, I am more likely to be understanding of my journey. Would I talk to another person that way? Why do I talk to myself that way? Would anyone that genuinely loved me talk to me like that? The answer to that question is no. 

I think of my brother who committed suicide. Not once through his struggles did I think, "You idiot, there's no hope for you." I thought, "I love you. I want to help. You can do this!" Thus, as I see myself genuinely and lovingly, life beats on with hope. No more am I focusing on my mistakes or the what-ifs or should-haves. I am more focused on it's okay, and I'm okay, and I'll get through this. I think when I have found that perspective, I am more prone to have joy in life regardless of the circumstances I'm going through.