I Don't Want to Go

Recently our son approached his mother in the morning and said he didn't want to go to school. Most likely, if you are a parent of school-age children you have been faced with a similar situation. The given reasons range from, "I just don't feel like it" to "I want to play at home." Let's be honest, some of those reasons seem pretty pitiful to the parent upon hearing. In an attempt to be empathetic and understanding, my wife heard his request and was weighing whether to let him stay home. Our son loves school and learning so it seemed odd that his request was to stay home. I heard of the dilemma and knew I should probably assert something from my parenting depository. How do you think I responded? 

                        Option A: The Dictator ("You will go to school no matter what!")

Option B: The Pushover ("Oh yes sweetie, of course you can stay home!") 

Option C: The Ignorer ("Wait, what happened?")

Option D: The Escapist ("I wonder who Marc Spector really is.")

Option E: The Sage ("Son, let's look at this in a different way.")

Alright, drumroll, please...

The Sage! Wait...before you double click and swipe up or switch to another app, let me explain. In the past have I always looked upon a situation with my children with good judgment? No. Have I tried the other options mentioned? Of course! This time I did okay I think and in the end, it taught me. 

Okay, let's continue with the story. I heard my wife talking to my son about it and I said, "He's going to school" to my wife (sounds like the dictator/iron fist approach).  My son was already in the other room and upon entering he had his head lowered on the desk and was sad. "I don't want to go to school", he said. I then took a deep breath and prayed for help to be able to teach him an important lesson. 

"Going to school isn't about you." 

"What?" 

"You go to school to help someone else. Someone needs you today. It isn't about you." 

He then started to smile and said, "Oh yeah!" I then challenged him to find someone that needed him today. Yes, his reason could have been valid for missing school but there was an important lesson missed. He is there for others. 

"When I come home today I'm going to ask you who you helped, OK?" 

"OK, Dad." 

You see we miss valuable moments and memories in our lives because we are caught up in our world and desires:

• I don't have enough
• I'm sick of this
• Why me? 
• I'm not learning anything
• I'm tired 
• Why is he/she like that?
• It's his/her fault
• I don't get it
• I'm not gaining anything from this

The list could go on. Are some of those valid? Absolutely. Is it hard to reach outside our world? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Absolutely. 

I heard a student share that one day she was walking through the hallway and had the thought to go talk to a girl that had her head down and was seemingly struggling. Rather than be so fixated on her woes and all the things that weren't going right for her, she knew it wasn't about her. It was about her. It was about Him. 

She went and talked to her. She put her other personal worries aside. This girl told her how bad she was struggling and that she was ready to go home and take her life that day. She helped save a life. The Savior did the saving. He just needed someone to be His hands. 

How would our world be different if instead of looking for what I get out of the day it's what I can help someone else get out of their day? My son surely would have stayed home and enjoyed reading books. Nothing would have changed, right? 

If that student didn't reach out, would that other girl be alive? Perhaps. Do our perceived small acts really do much? It's hard to tell sometimes. However, there is something about reaching outside ourselves that develops empathy and joy. We are learning to be like Him if He were in our spot.  As we emulate Him, we begin to experience the joy He possesses. 

Bonnie Oscarson packaged this thought beautifully with a simple question: "Who needs me today?" She also added the following: 

My young friends, I can guarantee that there will always be someone at every Church meeting you attend who is lonely, who is going through challenges and needs a friend, or who feels like he or she doesn’t belong. You have something important to contribute to every meeting or activity, and the Lord desires for you to look around at your peers and then minister as He would.

There are people all around us that need help. President Henry B. Eyring shared a thought that has helped me: 

Many years ago, I was first counselor to a district president in the eastern United States. More than once, as we were driving to our little branches, he said to me, “Hal, when you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.”

These moments of helping others help us get outside of our box of bias, stereotypes, and assumptions. I personally believe Christ is perfectly empathetic because of who He helped and not necessarily just for what He suffered. We commonly place a large emphasis on the suffering of Christ as part of His Atonement. For example, pains, afflictions, sicknesses, etc. This is powerful. I believe what would bring even greater power would be understanding and connecting those pains, afflictions, sicknesses, etc to the sincere love and desire Christ had to help the one. He came to love more deeply because He placed Himself on the same field as the one that suffered those things and not only because He suffered a grand total of all things. 

Part of something I'm learning about visual critical pedagogy is visuals tend to be biased because of the person and culture behind the visual. For example, a homeless charity that has experienced no homelessness may portray homelessness as dire and without a place to get people to donate:

We may relate because we carry similar thoughts on homeless individuals and believe that this is how it is. Our visual portrayal may be similar. 

BUT...

What if the homeless individuals were behind their own visuals? 

How would the picture change? 

How would seeing their perspective change ours? 

When we step outside ourselves, we evidently start seeing more about how others see. I believe this is how Christ can see and understand all. He sees because He's stepped behind the lens in our place. The best we can do is seek to emulate Him and then take the picture.